When we think about falling in love it is often in terms of “forever.” We imagine living with this special person, possibly having children together, and it drives us insane when we can’t be together or a fight goes unresolved. We think we cannot live without the other person.
You know what? We can. Not only that, but they can live without us, no matter how fabulous we are.
The evidence is everywhere. In fact, it is
Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt via Flickr
You know what? We can. Not only that, but they can live without us, no matter how fabulous we are.
The evidence is everywhere. In fact, it is more common to break up than it is to stay together. If that weren’t true you would still be partnered with your first high-school love right now (yeah, I know, kinda freaks you out to think about that one, doesn’t it?).
If the odds are that we will break up, why do we still think in terms of “happily ever after?”
Don’t worry, this post is not going in the direction you think. I love love! But I think we often forget why we fell in love, what it takes to make the other person happy, and how much daily effort it takes to make a relationship a priority. It’s hard work in between work, school, household chores, social functions, and family obligations. I know I’ve let my relationships take a backseat to all of those things at one time or another, and I’ll bet you have, too. Or you’ve been on the other side of the equation, which is no fun either.
So what is the solution?
I like the idea of the annual marriage contract as described in the excellent book Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. The story is about the relationship between an unusual set of twins, but the marriage contract is between two supporting characters. Ghosh and Hema are both Indian doctors working in Ethiopia, and he has been in love with her independent spirit for years. She is also in love her independent spirit and has no desire to get married. When circumstances finally make it right for Ghosh to propose, she has an interesting reply:
And here is the rest of it.
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